Messenger Pigeons

I want one of these. I could name it Cornelius or Henrietta depending on its gender, but there are general guidelines and concerns I must share. For instance, what is the weight limit of the message itself? Do they have a maximum radius, perhaps 20 miles, that they cannot exceed before becoming too dehydrated and forced to make an emergency landing? Do they receive messages in addition to send? Must I buy it insurance to protect against unplanned collisions into freshly Windex-ed windows? Is it a fixed cost when you buy the bird or does he charge in a similar fashion to Fedex-- by weight class, size dimensions, and delivery zip?

Reasons why messenger pigeons are still pertinent to the 2009 arena of hotness and my life in general:

1. Tradition-- let us go back to a time when notes were handwritten and delivered by a set of freshly manicured talons

2. Mystical-- if Harry Potter is doing it, so should everyone (that is the second HP reference I have made in this blog-- I dont even like that homo)

3. Surprise-- what better than to receive a friendly or unfriendly unexpected note midday, perhaps a little love peck as well

4. Creativity-- the options for outfits are endless and an outlet for one's creativity. I am envisioning a seersucker beuret for the spring season.

5. Ignorance-- when you are ignoring a friend, what better way to inform them than via messenger pidgeon to tell them you are not talking to them.

6. Unanticipated Value Adds-- the potential that they could double as a doodie dropper on the Olivia Palermo's of the world makes them that much better of an investment

7. False excuses to build things-- how great would a doggy/birdy door look on the wall? It could frequently stop by while I am watching the hills and I could exclaim "Why HELLO cornelius!! What news do you have for me today?" in a blend of universal accent (primarily leaning toward a borat-british intonation)

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. 7 excellent reasons why we should reintroduce messenger pidgeons into our hot, overstimulated, Internet-obsessed lives.

Just don't sodomize them.