Baby Bud

Meet Bud, Bud Light Haynes to be exact. He is my first child. I am as proud of him as any mother ever has been. Protecting him is one and only priority. I make him wear his seat belt and insist that he sits in the passenger side back seat even though he is well over the child weight restriction limit and has been for some time. I just can't stand to see him grow up and leave me. He wears that seat belt religiously and that towel too. Sweet little bud loves his towel, cant get him away from it... he drags it around the grocery store with us and even takes it to bed with him. God, a mother's love is really hard to explain until you become one.... sigh...

Only Children

Tonight's rerun of Gossip Girl was so incredibly terrible that this happened to entertain ourselves durring the comercials... yes, indoor human horse dressage. But that is another blog... tonight I want to discuss Only Children. Hot people often started off not as hot people, but as only children. This is because their parents had no other prior commitments to stop them from helping their child reach their ultimate hottness potential (uhp) For example, Suri Cruise wears red nail polish and high heels at age 4 and you guessed it - she is an only child. Tom and Katie are doing their best to help their only child reach her uhp.

However, being raised as the only child/masterpiece of older parents is hard. (Especially for Suri, someone call child services!!) Without other distractions my mother always had time to pack me lunch. So I always got homemade food not lunchables like my cool multi-kid-family friends. And on Christmas morning I would get stage fright when all the adults stared at me as I was the only one sitting under the tree surrounded by presents to unwrap while my friends happily fought with their siblings over gifts. Other kids watched Full House, I watched Meet The Press. Like I said, it was hard.

After surviving something like this, I found myself seeking out other people who had endured similar hardships in their formative years. Luckily I found 2 other girls to befriend and live with who both had older parents devoted to the singularly important task of raising them and them alone. We quickly bonded over our parallel histories of being over-photoraphed etc. One of the main qualities we had in common was our ability to play with ourselves for hours upon hours as children.

Unlike some Only Children who abandon their solo games for group activities when they enter mainstream society, we have not lost the gift of alone-playing. In this picture you see Only Child MRW demonstrating that she has not lost the ability to self soothe. Here she is showing us how an only child plays 'horsey'... without another sibling to ride as the horse, mr was forced to be both horse and rider, an exhausting task which she spent hours doing each day of her youth.

PGS who is playing the role of the jump in this picture was also an only child and often chewed on tables to keep herself busy during the long quiet years of her childhood. This is how an only child plays 'termite'. (this is a less commonly known game, but quite stimulating none the less) Lucky for both of these lonely souls, tonight they no longer have to play alone, and can be horse and jump together. If i hadn't been busy capturing this priceless moment on my pinkberry (lame ass blackberry that is pale pink... what was i thinking?) i would have gladly joined in as the role of the jockey.

So tonight I bid you only children everywhere to strive for your uhp, you may be alone, but you are still hot!

Would You Rather, An Etiquette Guide

For years now, Hot People like us have supported and engaged in the long standing, mind-stimulating game of “Would You Rather?” The game calls upon members on the cusp of the Hot Generation to pick between the less of the two worse options. And no, there is no ‘passing’ (that’s fucking bullshit). But every now and then, the boundaries are blurred, the lines are crossed, and you find yourself vocalizing to a large group of people that you would rather go down on Oprah than be locked in a coffin with a dead Michael Jackson for 15 minutes.

(Just look at that caramel beauty. We know what you’re thinking. And at least, she’s hygienic. If you disagree with our above ‘rather’, we highly encourage a spirited debate in the comments section.)

It is at this point when your royal Hotness begs the question: when and when not is it appropriate to play this provocative game? And more importantly, how much do you want to slap or disqualify the person that is so hung up details or better yet, reposes the question as if to introduce a new question? That is not how it works, my friend. If you are one of these people, then chances are you probably possess other annoying qualities. Like abbreviate entire sentences. And say “babe” and “sug” a lot.

But alas let’s not tangent. Truly this is an inclusive game and a great medium for expression. (Much like the gchat custom away message…more on this nonsense later.) The truth is you really get to know your friends when a question like, “Would you rather receive flowers or oral for the rest of your life?” is posed. Think of it as team bonding, trust falls, or what you may. These questions are poised to push your intellect into realms you've never thought possible. When it comes to WYR's, there’s NEVER a wrong moment to pull out this bag of tricks. Except in front of your boss and 'doing you' is one of the two options (sorry tr, unacceptable).

Can you imagine the potential for the following first date conversation?!?!

Him: So what do you do?

Her: I sell copy machines. What do you do?

Him: I’m in finance (specifies i-banking group in twenty words with some combination of leverage, capital, and global which all somehow tie into title.)

Her: Speaking of doing—Would you rather do Beyonce or Rihanna?

Him: I'm not really that into...

Her: You know what, forget it. I know what you were about to say and that is just racist. This was never meant to be. Goodbye.

So in addition to the joys of Love Day, we expose Would You Rather for what it really is—sexually explicit, character-defining entertainment—that Hallmark should seriously consider incorporating into their latest collection of Sympathy cards. Because let’s face it, with a genius WYR in play, you’d have no reason to be sad.

Vow of Silence has been lifted

Since april of 09 spicy and I have taken a voluntary and necessary vow of silence. We had become unstable and unfit to blog.

But over the past seven months we have had lots of time to reflect and rekindle the blogfire that burns bright within us.

Many compelling stories have gone untold throughout these dark months but like a phoenix rising from the ashes, we emerge victorious to bring you our thoughts on….

Love Day.

Love Day is an awesome new holiday craze waiting to happen. Spicy and I learned about Love Day from the inventor of the holiday herself just this past weekend. Yes, while enjoying our namesake foods: spicy tuna rolls and edamame, we got the low down on LD...

It seems that Love Day is a floating holiday, inspired by love and designed to reaffirm affection for one’s mate in a surprise attack fashion whenever you see fit. Each member of a relationship gets one opportunity for Love Day each year to be feted for no reason other than for being so lovable.

Gift ideas range from uniquely decorated socks to tickets to major sporting events. This is the next frontier of made up holidays, only unlike ‘national bus driver appreciation day’ it is actually worthwhile because by taking part in love day you get an excuse to be unpleasantly aggressive with pda. (this clearly does not apply to the bus driver day unless you’re dating a bus driver... and not to be mean, but if this is the case then honey you deserve love day annnnd the bus driver day)

Furthermore, for those of you in a ‘sort of’ relationship, the ones without specific anniversaries to celebrate, this is an excellent option as it does not discriminate based on length of relationship accuracy. You can celebrate it at any time and it does not draw immediate attention to landmark dates in your relationship.

This is a non-confrontational way to celebrate having a wipped significant other and guarantee yourself a returned favor.

*It is in the fine print that love day must be reciprocal between both parties of a given relationship regardless of the initiation of love day generally being made by the female as a sneak attack giving the male no opportunity to give his input

Anyway, I rest my case. Hot People love love day.