If you look like these men and are not already registered members of Midtown/Financial District Manhattan… what are you waiting for??
There is no better place where you can freely share your passion for excel shortcuts and driving loafers than the investment banking world. And make no mistake, JP Morgan, Bank of America, and Goldman are not merely career opportunities—they’re real world fraternities. Once admitted to the analyst program, you have arrived.
How else are you going to achieve your properties in Greenwich and Palm Beach? Certainly not in marketing. The serious finance-sseur requires strict attention to global and domestic markets and such knowledge should be inserted into every conversation whenever possible. During meals, commercials, happy hour, and recreational kickball games. This will surely raise your personal stock in others eyes, particularly among those less financially versed. The truly devoted are encouraged to merge their former college lifestyles and linguistics into the ibanking arena as to rise in the ranks of their peers. Unlike the Billary attitude, the goal is not irreversible middle agedness but perpetual youth where beer, chicks, and one’s former lax life reign precedence. Many will look to the banker to take care of the tab at the end of the night, which he must generously oblige as to parade his bonus (even if non-existent, its been precedented in sheer attitude). We coin this personality…
There is no better place where you can freely share your passion for excel shortcuts and driving loafers than the investment banking world. And make no mistake, JP Morgan, Bank of America, and Goldman are not merely career opportunities—they’re real world fraternities. Once admitted to the analyst program, you have arrived.
How else are you going to achieve your properties in Greenwich and Palm Beach? Certainly not in marketing. The serious finance-sseur requires strict attention to global and domestic markets and such knowledge should be inserted into every conversation whenever possible. During meals, commercials, happy hour, and recreational kickball games. This will surely raise your personal stock in others eyes, particularly among those less financially versed. The truly devoted are encouraged to merge their former college lifestyles and linguistics into the ibanking arena as to rise in the ranks of their peers. Unlike the Billary attitude, the goal is not irreversible middle agedness but perpetual youth where beer, chicks, and one’s former lax life reign precedence. Many will look to the banker to take care of the tab at the end of the night, which he must generously oblige as to parade his bonus (even if non-existent, its been precedented in sheer attitude). We coin this personality…
the “Dordon Fekkuld”
“Dordon Fekkuld” refers to the two great legendary financial heroes of our time—Dick Fuld, former CEO of Lehman equivocal to the Chuck Bass of banking, and Gordon Gekko, fictional badass with his era-defining “greed is good” mantra. If you passionately obsess over dolla dolla bills and have similar diabolical charm, then I suggest you infiltrate Midtown Manhattan now. The average Dordon spends his days lunching at Lennys, using his premium Brooks Brothers membership card, relying on certain medical pick-me-ups which allow him to ‘crush it’ all night long, overtipping, and lastly (but most importantly) discussing his ibanking status. Similarly, he refers to everything he likes and/or enjoys as moneyyy. This is not in fact a reference to currency but an expression of extreme gratitude.
As a prerequisite to the entry-level, it is recommended one sees Wall Street and Boiler Room at least ten times and can recite quotes from each on a moment's notice or whenever the situation should apply (preferably in front of other coworkers to confirm you’ve seen these). A typical Dordon always carries a WSJ on the subway which in actuality is a decoy for checking out petite blondes on the 6 train. Once a Dordon Fekkuld, you are on the path to irreversible and unquantifiable kingdom where you have justifiably earned the right to disregard non-banking individuals and/or manners at all times. Make no mistake, they are inferior.
After all, you are an ibanker and you rule the world.
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