Internet PDA

As the graduating class of 2008, we are the veritable lab rats of the facebook.com. As the first college freshmen to discover and explore this new magical internet destination, we are all guilty of falling prey to the gayer aspects of this site at one time or another. However, just as we shrugged off the chunky heeled sparkly, see-through jellies from Gap Kids of our formative years, we must move on from these facebook faux pas and become mature, respectable members of the cyber community just as we are begrudgingly becoming in "real life." 

So, lets get right to it... IPDA. This issue has been gnawing at me and my fellow bloggers for weeks now. And I think its time we blow this one wide open and really get to the heart of our concerns about this epidemic. As a blogger, the concept of ipda is a bigger subject to develop a stance on than it is for just your average joe. As such an active member of the cyber world, it is my responsibility to understand ipda and be ready to debate it at the flip of a switch. Imagine how careless it would look if I hadnt prepared an opinion on and solution to the ipda situation if asked by the press?? embarassing to say the least.

Here is the basic premise - PDA's or public displays of affection are generally any act that may fly in the sack, but is awkward in the checkout line at the grocery store, in front of small children, or in any other non-voyeuristically themed public arena. So if you find yourself licking your signifcant other or casually fondling their upper thigh while his or her mother is sitting across from you - stop - you are commiting a PDA and putting yourself in danger of being extremely annoying. But moving on, you werent born yesterday, you've all seen it - and you have all been repulsed.

*disclaimer: This information in no way applies to BOMO or any other hot verbiage... BO activity is completely forgiven and considered accidental. I have no bones to pick with the bomo, the offender we are trying to crack down on is the sober pda*

Moving on. IPDA differs from PDA in one main aspect. The main difference is ipda requires no physical contact to be just as nails-on-a-chalkboard annoying as regular pda even though the original absolutely 100% requires it. This discrepancy shows just how wiley of a predator ipda can be, it can exist without the lifeblood of physical contact so desperately needed by its original form.

Instead of stroking, nibbling, lounging, etc... ipda thrives on excessive facebook communication between two people who clearly spend at least 85% of their time already in contact. This is clealry excessive, unnessary, and blatantly ipda. Let me spell it out for you - if you are in a relationship with someone - as in committed and interactive on a daily basis - there is literally no reason in existance why you should ever need to write on that persons facebook wall.

The facebook wall is a public forum, just as public as the checkout line, it is not remotely an appropriate space to flaunt your passion.

Another danger zone for witnessing ipda is any album of a vacay in which the cover picture is two people smiling (non sarcastically) despite wearing leys and holding coconut shaped coctails. or decked out in hiking gear. or ski gear. or holding giant foam hands at a ball game... you get the idea. this album is undoubtedly a 60 picture long direct ipda assault on your eyeballs. watch out.

Probably the most direct and ruthless attacker of the ipda scene is the status update. With a few syrupy key strokes you can easily alert the entire facebook community that you are currently engaging in some gag-worthy activity with your other half. And since we all secretly check statuses on a routein basis, we are bound to be violated by these updates whether we like it or not. It is an unavoidable evil. 

If you ever do need to suggest to the world that you are in the mood for love via status update, might i suggest a choice movie line reference such as, "____ , wanton sex goddess with a very bad man between her thighs, oh hello mum".... otherwise, just promise to never do it.

And do not even get me started on the idea of "being in a relationship with" or "married" or "engaged"... after sophomore year when you were jokingly engaged to a female, this status really went out of style with a vengeance. If you ever feel the need to marry someone or get engaged, maybe you should think about not being simultaneously addicted to taking note of it on facebook. Maybe you should not even be on facebook. Just something to think about. 

So just to set the record straight, IPDA is not condoned by Stuff Hot People Like in any regard. Consider us your Miss Manners of the cyber world. Here to keep it clean. Spicy and I promise to never engage in ipda with anyone now or in the future. Not even if one of us suddenly meets and falls in love with the actual Thomas Crown and he starts wildly posting on one of our walls. We will maintain our level of ladylike decorum and abstain from responding via wall post on tommy's wall. 

Please comment on this posting and give us feed back on the following blogstion (blog+question).....

Should we post a list of offending couples on this site who need to evaluate and rethink their facebook behavior??