This is a sensitive topic to most because we all wear 'em. Let's face it, we love xmas holiday parties where we can sodomize young men, boot holiday colors, and typically act like Whitney Houston on a good day. We often pretend we can sing like her too. But the tacky Christmas sweater should not be mistaken for Harry's invisibility cloak. We can see you and you are embarrassing yourself.
Team HottBodsRUs have come up with some general guidelines this season regarding dusting off your electronically-powered, eyesore of a knit that originated during the Reagan-era:
- Your Rudolph sweater and his 11 dawgs (well deer, technically) flying around your midsection does not a man make.
- Plus 5 points for wearing an outfit entirely out of wrapping paper accessories.
- Minus 5 points for sporting something gay like antlers.
- If you're looking to spit more game than beyonce, we suggest a onesie with footies and butt pouch. That you don't entirely fit into. Our one request: please leave your camel toe at home.
- And lastly, our final recommendation. A full on ski suit. Goggles and all. And I would somehow incorporate a pole—it might work nicely for later.
In the meantime, we will go against everything we just said, wear santa hats to celebrate the paradox of originality, drink a little too much soy sauce, and most likely end up with a little wasabi in our gingers this holiday season.
Love, Spicy Tuna
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