Baby Bud

Meet Bud, Bud Light Haynes to be exact. He is my first child. I am as proud of him as any mother ever has been. Protecting him is one and only priority. I make him wear his seat belt and insist that he sits in the passenger side back seat even though he is well over the child weight restriction limit and has been for some time. I just can't stand to see him grow up and leave me. He wears that seat belt religiously and that towel too. Sweet little bud loves his towel, cant get him away from it... he drags it around the grocery store with us and even takes it to bed with him. God, a mother's love is really hard to explain until you become one.... sigh...

Only Children

Tonight's rerun of Gossip Girl was so incredibly terrible that this happened to entertain ourselves durring the comercials... yes, indoor human horse dressage. But that is another blog... tonight I want to discuss Only Children. Hot people often started off not as hot people, but as only children. This is because their parents had no other prior commitments to stop them from helping their child reach their ultimate hottness potential (uhp) For example, Suri Cruise wears red nail polish and high heels at age 4 and you guessed it - she is an only child. Tom and Katie are doing their best to help their only child reach her uhp.

However, being raised as the only child/masterpiece of older parents is hard. (Especially for Suri, someone call child services!!) Without other distractions my mother always had time to pack me lunch. So I always got homemade food not lunchables like my cool multi-kid-family friends. And on Christmas morning I would get stage fright when all the adults stared at me as I was the only one sitting under the tree surrounded by presents to unwrap while my friends happily fought with their siblings over gifts. Other kids watched Full House, I watched Meet The Press. Like I said, it was hard.

After surviving something like this, I found myself seeking out other people who had endured similar hardships in their formative years. Luckily I found 2 other girls to befriend and live with who both had older parents devoted to the singularly important task of raising them and them alone. We quickly bonded over our parallel histories of being over-photoraphed etc. One of the main qualities we had in common was our ability to play with ourselves for hours upon hours as children.

Unlike some Only Children who abandon their solo games for group activities when they enter mainstream society, we have not lost the gift of alone-playing. In this picture you see Only Child MRW demonstrating that she has not lost the ability to self soothe. Here she is showing us how an only child plays 'horsey'... without another sibling to ride as the horse, mr was forced to be both horse and rider, an exhausting task which she spent hours doing each day of her youth.

PGS who is playing the role of the jump in this picture was also an only child and often chewed on tables to keep herself busy during the long quiet years of her childhood. This is how an only child plays 'termite'. (this is a less commonly known game, but quite stimulating none the less) Lucky for both of these lonely souls, tonight they no longer have to play alone, and can be horse and jump together. If i hadn't been busy capturing this priceless moment on my pinkberry (lame ass blackberry that is pale pink... what was i thinking?) i would have gladly joined in as the role of the jockey.

So tonight I bid you only children everywhere to strive for your uhp, you may be alone, but you are still hot!

Would You Rather, An Etiquette Guide

For years now, Hot People like us have supported and engaged in the long standing, mind-stimulating game of “Would You Rather?” The game calls upon members on the cusp of the Hot Generation to pick between the less of the two worse options. And no, there is no ‘passing’ (that’s fucking bullshit). But every now and then, the boundaries are blurred, the lines are crossed, and you find yourself vocalizing to a large group of people that you would rather go down on Oprah than be locked in a coffin with a dead Michael Jackson for 15 minutes.

(Just look at that caramel beauty. We know what you’re thinking. And at least, she’s hygienic. If you disagree with our above ‘rather’, we highly encourage a spirited debate in the comments section.)

It is at this point when your royal Hotness begs the question: when and when not is it appropriate to play this provocative game? And more importantly, how much do you want to slap or disqualify the person that is so hung up details or better yet, reposes the question as if to introduce a new question? That is not how it works, my friend. If you are one of these people, then chances are you probably possess other annoying qualities. Like abbreviate entire sentences. And say “babe” and “sug” a lot.

But alas let’s not tangent. Truly this is an inclusive game and a great medium for expression. (Much like the gchat custom away message…more on this nonsense later.) The truth is you really get to know your friends when a question like, “Would you rather receive flowers or oral for the rest of your life?” is posed. Think of it as team bonding, trust falls, or what you may. These questions are poised to push your intellect into realms you've never thought possible. When it comes to WYR's, there’s NEVER a wrong moment to pull out this bag of tricks. Except in front of your boss and 'doing you' is one of the two options (sorry tr, unacceptable).

Can you imagine the potential for the following first date conversation?!?!

Him: So what do you do?

Her: I sell copy machines. What do you do?

Him: I’m in finance (specifies i-banking group in twenty words with some combination of leverage, capital, and global which all somehow tie into title.)

Her: Speaking of doing—Would you rather do Beyonce or Rihanna?

Him: I'm not really that into...

Her: You know what, forget it. I know what you were about to say and that is just racist. This was never meant to be. Goodbye.

So in addition to the joys of Love Day, we expose Would You Rather for what it really is—sexually explicit, character-defining entertainment—that Hallmark should seriously consider incorporating into their latest collection of Sympathy cards. Because let’s face it, with a genius WYR in play, you’d have no reason to be sad.

Vow of Silence has been lifted

Since april of 09 spicy and I have taken a voluntary and necessary vow of silence. We had become unstable and unfit to blog.

But over the past seven months we have had lots of time to reflect and rekindle the blogfire that burns bright within us.

Many compelling stories have gone untold throughout these dark months but like a phoenix rising from the ashes, we emerge victorious to bring you our thoughts on….

Love Day.

Love Day is an awesome new holiday craze waiting to happen. Spicy and I learned about Love Day from the inventor of the holiday herself just this past weekend. Yes, while enjoying our namesake foods: spicy tuna rolls and edamame, we got the low down on LD...

It seems that Love Day is a floating holiday, inspired by love and designed to reaffirm affection for one’s mate in a surprise attack fashion whenever you see fit. Each member of a relationship gets one opportunity for Love Day each year to be feted for no reason other than for being so lovable.

Gift ideas range from uniquely decorated socks to tickets to major sporting events. This is the next frontier of made up holidays, only unlike ‘national bus driver appreciation day’ it is actually worthwhile because by taking part in love day you get an excuse to be unpleasantly aggressive with pda. (this clearly does not apply to the bus driver day unless you’re dating a bus driver... and not to be mean, but if this is the case then honey you deserve love day annnnd the bus driver day)

Furthermore, for those of you in a ‘sort of’ relationship, the ones without specific anniversaries to celebrate, this is an excellent option as it does not discriminate based on length of relationship accuracy. You can celebrate it at any time and it does not draw immediate attention to landmark dates in your relationship.

This is a non-confrontational way to celebrate having a wipped significant other and guarantee yourself a returned favor.

*It is in the fine print that love day must be reciprocal between both parties of a given relationship regardless of the initiation of love day generally being made by the female as a sneak attack giving the male no opportunity to give his input

Anyway, I rest my case. Hot People love love day.

Sheer anticipation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!u93nwrqgadxjgkh

Is that how the saying goes? If so, then i love big dumps. (I believe MRW owns this classic Vail, CO tee in which I borrow the saying.)

To brief our non-lex followers, Edamame and I will be returning to our highly anticipated spring alumni weekend on Friday. As previously noted, there are few acceptable schedule conflicts that prevent this natural return to the motherland and weekend of unsubdued rage. And however important your excuse for not showing, a congregation among the greatest thinkers (and drinkers) of our time can be justified. (For instance, LA attending the Costume Institute Ball with the hopes of mingling with Brangelina = slightly acceptable.)

However it seemed to hit me last night that I no longer have a solid foundation of the fashionable standard at this fine institution. Since that dreaded day of June 5, 2008, I have traded in my rainbows for heels, spring cotton bubble dresses for leggings, and pearls for big jewelry and dare I say plaid shirts? Okay I'm really not this trendy but just go with it. Anyhow, the idea of regressing back to this standard seems confusing at best. What is acceptable on the runway that is windfall, traveller express, and sparks-thrashing dance parties? I feel the sudden urge to hit bergdorfs and enter the mindset of a 20 year old where my only concern in the world was starting an email chain to coordinate the event of tubing down a river. (This is in fact more complicated organization than you might predict-- think getting tubes at gas station, delegating rides, splitting beer hounding efforts, getting jdunn's waterproof ihome, and somehow starting at the same time on river as boys while consequently guesstimating margarita meeting at Donny T's for non-tubers who had sucky spring term afternoon class.) Whooo that was a mouthful. End point-- college was hard. Real world harder. And let's face it, I'm already not playing with a full deck of cards. When does it get easy?

Anyhow--I leave these fashion nuances to resident expert, EdaMAMA. Turning this one over to you miss repulsed-by-$600-gladiator sandals...

GAME ON

Ok, enough is enough. I can only be shy and retiring for so long. My internship is drawing to a close, I have A LOT to say about that and also I forecast extreme boredom and sudden outbursts of terror about my undecided future to ail me over the coming days. Expect constant blogging.

As they say, blogs are like snowflakes. pray for a blizzard.

Skyping Your Heart Out

What you have just feasted your eyes upon is virtual love in its most raw, beautiful and extremely complicated form. In order for the crooning of this classic love ballad to take place Franz had to travel on foot through the icy Austrian streets to his local school house at 4 am, log onto Skype and await the response to his call from his one true love, MR Wyatt. This is creepy enough. But it gets better, MR Wyatt luckily has every form of modern entertainment/communication device known to man and was able to clandestinely film the entire performance as it streamed through the skype internet lines to her macbook via her blackberry storm. She then emailed this file to my blackberry world edition and I was able to post it via blog for your viewing pleasure.

Sheeesh! I pine for the days when proclaimations of love were made by throwing stones at your sweethearts bedroom window to awaken her so that you could bring the glad tidings of l'amore. Things have gotten complicated. Even I am twittering, gchatting, black berry messaging and emailing while blogging this.

But in less than 10 days time, we will break free from the vice hold technology has on us and come face to face with the organic, living, breathing Franz.

Franz is truly a stand out American. One of the great thinkers of our generation, Franz departed to serve the global culture of intellectual thought for these long icy wintery months by imparting his boundless knowledge upon the future of Austria. And upon the supple minds of the children of Waidhofen an der Ybbs in particular. But his tour of duty is coming to a close and he is returning to his adoring fan base in Washington next Friday evening. Everyone is so delighted by this prospect, it outshines Christmas and our birthdays combined... and almost outshines the release of Twilight the movie. Almost. I am wholeheartedly confident that he will tease us, unease us all the better just to please us.

I know all of you out there not lucky enough to be in DC are green with envy that you wont be spending the weekend with this stone cold fox. I'll be sure to blog about the finer moments of his visit. But that still wont be the same as being here. In the words of Franz...

YOU WIIIISSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!